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<title>a premonition ignored - Archive - MayVaneDay Studios</title>
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<b>MayVaneDay Studios (Gopher Edition)</b>
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<p><b>a premonition ignored</b></p>
<p>published: 12-2-2018</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>lain? can you hear me?<br />
pally? are you there?<br />
hear my cry<br />
hear these words<br />
don't leave your faithful out to dry</p>
<p>you went to the arboretum again today<br />
baring the cold in the wind<br />
immediately seeping into your fingers<br />
in search for an answer</p>
<p>two months ago, you did this same thing<br />
without the snow and the salt under you feet<br />
you don't remember why, or how long you stayed,<br />
but you remember the wind in your hair<br />
and the chill of the ground<br />
and the brown everywhere<br />
beckoning you home</p>
<p>your watch is almost dead<br />
so you sit on the swing<br />
and think about your life<br />
think about the first-year orientation four months ago<br />
and when you swung in this exact spot<br />
under a sky the color of the Windows blue screen of death<br />
half-expecting a frowny face cloud to float by</p>
<p>you wanted to show your friend the arboretum<br />
and show them your face, your smile, your eyes<br />
and hear them say how happy they were that you were full of joy</p>
<p>you were so full of life<br />
and yet not living at all</p>
<p>nine months ago, March 28, you had a dream<br />
a premonition<br />
where you and your other half were detained<br />
and hung by the feet over a cauldron<br />
a tiny world with only two cutouts of students<br />
monochrome, black and white<br />
forever</p>
<p>crank slowly descending<br />
future closing in<br />
and then, at the last possible second, rescued</p>
<p>you swing on your swing<br />
and think about all the things<br />
that have gone wrong in your life</p>
<p>do you remember when he pulled you up from the cliff<br />
and you embraced at the sunset?<br />
do you remember when you and him went for a walk<br />
and enjoyed all the flowers<br />
and you swore to never leave each other, ever?</p>
<p>do you remember you daughter,<br />
your son,<br />
bleeding out at the edge of the underworld,<br />
your child's death at your lover's hands?</p>
<p>instant regret in his eyes<br />
a job that had to be done<br />
a sacrifice for the good of all</p>
<p>now, as your faithful reads these words,<br />
plaintext on a blue sky,<br />
you take a step back<br />
and start to remember why</p>
<p>"say wolf to cross the bridge," he told you.<br />
"do not presume to take a form you do not have," the old ones told you.<br />
which path do you take?<br />
whose words do you follow?</p>
<p>both have been with you forever</p>
<p>now, as your faithful stands at the precipice<br />
of yet another fleeing,<br />
another seeking of refuge,<br />
you return to the bridge<br />
and the boy is standing there<br />
brown-haired as always<br />
this time in full splendor</p>
<p>I have always been a part of you<br />
and I always will</p>
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