MayVaneDay Studios (Gopher Edition)

it's getting worse

published: 7-13-2018

It's getting worse. At least, I think it is. Self-reflection is getting harder and harder these days. Everything is. I've binned four book ideas since I finished The Duality of Mankind, can you believe that? One about an interstellar shipping company, one about a boy trying to get out of the hospital system in Hell, one about finding an old god in an abandoned tomb, and a sequel to Living Wasteland where a Miralayan rebel hijacks the autocontrol system and takes over Liv's brain and liberates the people of Miralay to be free on the terraformed surface.

They were all such good ideas, and yet... I can't seem to focus. I can only focus on Poot. Pat, Pitstain. Going back to Tumblr and wasting several hours reblogging nothing but fanart. Time I could have spent reading or forcing myself to write what I'm currently desperately trying to keep myself writing, a sequel to The Duality of Mankind.

But I head off to Girl Scout Camp tomorrow. My first year as an adult, trying to navigate the harrowing waters of more responsibility and yet less. Less involvement and more detatchment while I get upstaged by normies in tie-dye yellow shirts.

Is God really a number I cannot count to? Why shouldn't everything that glitters be gold? My boys are glittering. The boys upstaged me before I even knew of their existence.

Everything hurts. My brain, my feet, the space right behind my eyes, my ears. I want to get off this crazy train. I want to wake up.