genesis
published: 2-3-2019
I'm Vane Cassia Vander!
but what does that mean?
am I just a sad little person
forever staring at a screen
how poetic would it be to die
assuring myself that I am alive
is this my fate,
to live half a life in my own body,
sacrificing precious time and sentience
to a figure not even of my own creation?
I work, I cry, I bleed
convincing myself that I am only me
that I have only ever been myself
just under a different million names
and then the dreams begin.
there has never been a me
just myself in different costumes
acting out the roles that fate sets for you and me
am I going crazy?
am I going insane?
will my life end in a psychiatric ward
with all my secrets laid out to bare in the sunshine?
tell me, o one with the midnight hands,
what is it about you
that brings out the worst in me?
what in myself do I see in you?
for I'm not a part of you
incomplete
and yet rejecting the greater whole
that, if the midnight hands were correct,
we were once a part of
maybe there was some divine,
the ancient father
of every daughter I've known,
from which both you and I were born
shards of the same soul
bourne through space and time
but herein lies a problem
because pieces should want to reform into a whole
and yet, you and I just seem to hurt each other