solstice
/
gopherhole


			
				
					
						
						
							
							<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
  <head>
    <meta charset="UTF-8">
    <title>in the white light - Archive - MayVaneDay Studios</title>
  </head>
  <body>
    <p align=center>
<b>MayVaneDay Studios (Gopher Edition)</b>
  </p>
  <p><b>in the white light</b></p>
  <p><b>published: 9-11-2018</b></p>
  <p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>If you’re one of my mutuals on a certain blogging platform, congratuations! I’m taking a break from the <a href="https://www.inc.com/quora/7-refreshing-ways-to-escape-from-your-social-media.html">social</a> <a href="https://www.fsf.org/bulletin/2017/spring/join-the-federation">silo</a> hell of Web 2.0, and you decided to go looking through my about page, and now you’re here. Glad to see you can still maneuver around a basic website in this day and age.</p>
<p>The Tumblr experiment wasn’t a failure, but it certainly wasn’t a success, either. I said that I would keep it if it would help me improve as a person and serve my purposes, and it’s somehow managed to be both incredibly helpful and harmful. I’m autistic, and since I found a community of people who struggle through the same hell of forced social interactions and sensory overstimulations, I’ve come out of my shell a bit and tried to advocate for myself more. I got myself transferred from a philosophy class mainly oriented around class discussion for a participation grade, which I knew I wouldn’t have thrived in since I’m semiverbal and sometimes physically can’t talk to strangers, to a Latin America history class where there’s less discussion and more actual assignments that can be done in the safety of my dorm. And I’ve made a great deal of internet friendswho were, I hope, <em>genuinely</em> sad to see that I would be taking a hiatus from Tonglr.hell and <a href="https://stallman.org/discord.html">Disagreement</a> until next Monday. It’s… nice to have people who will be overjoyed that you worked up the spoons to get out of bed and do things.</p>
<p>What’s not so nice, however, are the adverse effects Tumblr has had on me. I’ve only managed to crank out one chapter in the past week where, during the summer before this experiment, I would have easily written four or five. And even then, I’m afraid my next book is taking a turn towards several plot holes and generally poorly-written shells of what I was hoping it would be when I started. I went from- spoilers- a shape-shifting famly oppressed by their kingdom for having parts of Ceuta’s shattered soul to some five-plot twist involving a girl trying to get her girlfriend back from Lex, a princess trying to figure out what to do now that her kingdom has been erased from existence by Chronos, and Lukas generally being a little emo shit as always.</p>
<p>But that little emo shit is about to get a card violently shoved up his sleeve, so maybe my literary prowess isn’t so doomed, after all.</p>
<p>My mind feels so muddy. I’m struggling to write even these sentences that you’re reading right now. Every time I feel even remotely able to write, I open up LibreOffice, and my mind immediately turns into a blank slate, and my fingers into jelly, and I have to close it back again. I go to look something up, and I come to several hours later knee-deep in online discourse about, I don’t know, queerbaiting in Voltron or something equally idiotic. I take my fingers off the keyboard for so much as three seconds, and I;m suddenly back on that navy-blue dashboard again.</p>
<p>I’m going home this weekend. I’m going to play some video games with my brothers and let my parents see my face again and do some serious soul-searching. I’m going to sleep and eat something other than soft-serve ice cream and mozzarella sticks (delicious as those might be) and try to reconnect with the strong self-assured person I was before I started college.</p>
<p>I don’t want to be an internet discourser, a cookie-cutter shape, one of a million- I want to be Vane Cassia Vander!</p>
  </body>
  </html>