---
title: "Peanut Butter? I Hardly Even Know Her!"
published: 2018-09-06
---

had a small argument at work, needed to vent my thoughts on it.

the topic? ***smooth*** vs **crunchy** peanut butter.

spoler alert, this is a...

<SIRENS ALARM>

# SMOOTH ONLY ZONE #

get out of here with that lumpy *shite*

so with that in place, lets get down to business (to defeat, the chunks)

## texture

this was the main point of contention. so lets just get this straight.

if you are toasting your bread for any amount of time that is more than a few seconds, ***you have texture in your toast***

if you are using any sort of wholegrain bread ***you have texture in your toast***

the chunks in chunky peanut butter make it:

* harder to spread
* harder to eat
* hurt your teeth
* increase variance of flavour in each bite

so get that shit out of here. moot point.

smooth v crunchy : 1 - 0

## taste

they taste the same, chunks add nothing, except they randomly increase/decrease the flavour based on the density of chunks you happen to have in that bite.

smooth gives you a consistent taste.

this is a good thing.

moot point, smooth wins this round.

smooth v crunchy : 2 - 0

## aesthetics

crunchy peanut butter on toast looks like a pile of crunchy shit on a pile of jagged grains. looks terrible.

smooth contrasts with the roughness of the toast to form a nice balance.

moot point, smooth wins, maybe if you're eating crunchy peanut butter on flatbread but if you do that you're what we in the business call a ***fuarking weirdo*** and probably shouldn't be allowed out in public.

smooth v crunchy : 3 - 0

# final verdict

there we have it folks, smooth wins by a **fizzityucking blow out** so any haters are *objectively wrong*

if you disagree with this email me at `vip@bigdicc.club` and prepare to get ignored because i don't talk to people with shit opinions on things that count, like this.

ciao all, enjoy your smooth peanut butter.