rf/posts/alive-and-crying.md

---
title: In My Dreams
published: 2019-02-05
---

> in my dreams youre alive and youre crying

in my dreams, my day dreams, my night dreams, when my mind wanders, when im thinking hard, or not thinking at all, i can see you alive, and i can see you crying.

myself, stuck in my dreams, able to only watch, and cry.

you cry when im weak, you cry when im stupid, you cry when im not myself.

everytime my will breaks, you cry

everytime i sacrifice my ideals for some neurotypical urge, you cry

everytime i give up, lay down, and rot, you cry.

everytime i be anything less than you, you cry, and i cry, because all i want to be is you.

there are other times, however.

everynow and then, when i take a second to think about what im doing, and like it, and find myself smiling, you cry

you weep tears of joy, because im closer to the real me.

im not the man that many others would strive to be, im not physically fit, im not an order of magnitude smarter than other people.

im not emotionally strong, im not mentally capable, but i am something.

im the mind that is like no other, and once i find the way through this maze ill find you, and ill rescue you, and well cry no more.

in reality, youll be alive and smiling, as will i.

`:wq`