its easy to forget that youre not a disembodied spirit floating through life without a tangible body outside of the fringes of hair you can see in the sides of your vision, and a pair of hands that seem to only vaguely follow your thoughts and most of the time act on auto pilot along with your legs, feet and organs
some of us learn to love this hulking meat automaton that only some of the time acts how we want it to, stumbling about maybe doing something good for this world but probably not.
once again the world is front-end focussed, that i should somehow love this awkward amalgamation of input medium for my brain, but i dont.
and looking into a mirror is surreal.
theres something odd about faces, something uncanny, its paralysing having the gaze of another face piercing your being, and its weird to reduce someones entire being, their entire entitarial existence into the image of a face.
when i see my face in the mirror, it looks different, every day its constantly changing.
the physical look of it changes, obviously. somedays my hair will be different, some days ill have sunken eyes. i can deal with that
my emotional state changes, some days i might smile, some days i may look indifferent, it rarely matters.
but theres something else, that i cant place. something that makes my face look *different* every day, and i hate it.
i cant look at any of them without hating it, i cant place why but it almost never changes.
call it an aura, or a vibe, or an intuition, call it that feeling when you see two identical spoons but you have a preference for one over the other.
so many familiar faces, but theyre all so different, and all so awful.
looking in a mirror is a hard thing, but its good to ground yourself in reality, remind yourself that like it or not youre going to be forced to pilot one of these ridiculous and restricting husks until you finally die