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title: “Peanut Butter? I Hardly Even Know Her!” published: 2018-09-06
had a small argument at work, needed to vent my thoughts on it.
the topic? smooth vs crunchy peanut butter.
spoler alert, this is a...
SMOOTH ONLY ZONE
get out of here with that lumpy shite
so with that in place, lets get down to business (to defeat, the chunks)
texture
this was the main point of contention. so lets just get this straight.
if you are toasting your bread for any amount of time that is more than a few seconds, you have texture in your toast
if you are using any sort of wholegrain bread you have texture in your toast
the chunks in chunky peanut butter make it:
- harder to spread
- harder to eat
- hurt your teeth
- increase variance of flavour in each bite
so get that shit out of here. moot point.
smooth v crunchy : 1 - 0
taste
they taste the same, chunks add nothing, except they randomly increase/decrease the flavour based on the density of chunks you happen to have in that bite.
smooth gives you a consistent taste.
this is a good thing.
moot point, smooth wins this round.
smooth v crunchy : 2 - 0
aesthetics
crunchy peanut butter on toast looks like a pile of crunchy shit on a pile of jagged grains. looks terrible.
smooth contrasts with the roughness of the toast to form a nice balance.
moot point, smooth wins, maybe if you're eating crunchy peanut butter on flatbread but if you do that you're what we in the business call a fuarking weirdo and probably shouldn't be allowed out in public.
smooth v crunchy : 3 - 0
final verdict
there we have it folks, smooth wins by a fizzityucking blow out so any haters are objectively wrong
if you disagree with this email me at vip@bigdicc.club and prepare to get ignored because i don't talk to people with shit opinions on things that count, like this.
ciao all, enjoy your smooth peanut butter.