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Shaun Kerr 2018-09-06 11:31:44 +12:00
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---
title: "Peanut Butter? I Hardly Even Know Her!"
published: 2018-09-06
---
had a small argument at work, needed to vent my thoughts on it.
the topic? ***smooth*** vs **crunchy** peanut butter.
spoler alert, this is a...
<SIRENS ALARM>
# SMOOTH ONLY ZONE #
get out of here with that lumpy *shite*
so with that in place, lets get down to business (to defeat, the chunks)
## texture
this was the main point of contention. so lets just get this straight.
if you are toasting your bread for any amount of time that is more than a few seconds, ***you have texture in your toast***
if you are using any sort of wholegrain bread ***you have texture in your toast***
the chunks in chunky peanut butter make it:
* harder to spread
* harder to eat
* hurt your teeth
* increase variance of flavour in each bite
so get that shit out of here. moot point.
smooth v crunchy : 1 - 0
## taste
they taste the same, chunks add nothing, except they randomly increase/decrease the flavour based on the density of chunks you happen to have in that bite.
smooth gives you a consistent taste.
this is a good thing.
moot point, smooth wins this round.
smooth v crunchy : 2 - 0
## aesthetics
crunchy peanut butter on toast looks like a pile of crunchy shit on a pile of jagged grains. looks terrible.
smooth contrasts with the roughness of the toast to form a nice balance.
moot point, smooth wins, maybe if you're eating crunchy peanut butter on flatbread but if you do that you're what we in the business call a ***fuarking weirdo*** and probably shouldn't be allowed out in public.
smooth v crunchy : 3 - 0
# final verdict
there we have it folks, smooth wins by a **fizzityucking blow out** so any haters are *objectively wrong*
if you disagree with this email me at `vip@bigdicc.club` and prepare to get ignored because i don't talk to people with shit opinions on things that count, like this.
ciao all, enjoy your smooth peanut butter.